Sunday, 11 March 2012

How To Talk To Busty Women About Their Boobs

I am a big believer in compliments. We all take what we can get, so we shouldn’t be stingy with what we give. I really think that if you like anything about a person—their dress, their shoes, their eyes, their body, their laugh, their personality—you should most certainly tell them right away. But this can get a bit thorny when it comes to specific body parts, such as boobs, because we all have a fair amount of cultural baggage about the topic. I think when compliments go awry, seem backhanded, or sound creepy, the results can actually end up increasing the insecurity of busty women who are struggling to come to terms with their bodies. I don’t think the right answer is to avoid mentioning boobs at all. A more generic compliment will never go amiss, but I know from experience that it can be confusing if no one ever mentions the feature that seems most dramatic, especially for teenagers. So I thought I would compile a list of pointers, based on my experiences of what works and what doesn’t work.

I want to make it very clear that I am writing this with the assumption that you are talking about big boobs with your friend, not a stranger or someone you are romantically pursuing. If it is either of the latter, you should probably ask yourself why you are talking to this person you hardly know about her boobs. No matter how you treat the topic, bringing up a specific body part with someone you don’t know well is likely to come off as rude and/or threatening. Stick to the nonspecific: “You look great.” For complimenting a stranger, “You are beautiful” is probably one of the less threatening phrases you can choose.

Here are my tips for broaching the subject with a friend.

-Do NOT assume that just because a woman has big boobs, she is confident. A lot of times, it is the opposite. It is also kind of awkward to say you’re jealous if you’re a female and have smaller boobs than your friend. You may think it sounds like a compliment, but depending on her size and your size, she may be jealous of you for not having to find a tricky size and clothes to fit, or simply because she may prefer your appearance. This is a discussion that can be had, and both parties should be careful not to deny the other’s experience. In the same way, if you are decidedly NOT jealous of your bustier friend, be careful about how you bring that up; busty women, like all women, do not have a magical confidence shield that makes them impervious to insults.

-It’s better to use terms that refer to glory rather than size. Terms like “massive”, “enormous”, and “huge” may sound like simple facts, but they also have subtle connotations that can really embarrass someone you’re trying to compliment. Saying something is “big” is not the same as saying that it is “good”. Better words: “awesome”, “epic”, “amazing”.

-If you do want to talk to your friend about the size of her boobs, depending on your relationship that is probably okay, but make sure to put her at ease by prefacing the discussion with a compliment. Otherwise she may feel as though she is being dissected and examined.

-Some women will be happy to discuss their body if the topic is approached in a way that makes them feel comfortable, but others just don’t want to talk about their boobs no matter what. If you pick up on signs of that, it’s best to move on to a new topic. 

-The majority of busty women do NOT want you to grab their boobs even in the course of a scientific discussion of them. Some women will be fine with it, and in certain friend groups it is normal and affectionate, but this is one of the most common complaints I’ve heard from my friends who have big boobs. Just because they are big does not mean that boobs are public property. It’s her body, so follow her lead.

-It comes off as kind of weird if you ask to see what her bra looks like when it’s off her. If you’re genuinely curious about the physics and construction of it, okay, but if you want to see it just to laugh at how silly it looks, keep in mind that this is a bit insulting. Wearing bras on your head is only permissible when the owner of the bra starts it.

-If you DO see her bra lying around with the laundry and you are a smaller-busted female friend, or a male friend who has mostly seen smaller bras, try hard not to express shock or hilarity at how large the bra looks to you. Bear in mind that when she sees your bras, she is equally likely to find them absurd and laughable yet she probably (hopefully) refrains from saying anything about it. We are all just used to seeing bras in our own size so other sizes look kind of funny and bizarre, and I think this is something that is best left unsaid on all sides of the equation. Once again, it’s better to stick to “cute” rather than “huge” or “tiny”.

-My final tip is to remember the old clichĂ©, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Big boobs aren’t everyone’s favorite thing, obviously, but if what you want to say to your busty friend isn’t a compliment, it’s better to avoid the topic altogether. But if you DO like your friend’s body, I think it’s really great to say so, especially if she is insecure or hasn’t heard it a lot. 

8 comments:

  1. "It’s better to use terms that refer to glory rather than size" - I love this quote! If my friends had said "Your boobs are epic" or "You have amazing boobs" rather than, "Your boobs are huge," that would've been a confidence booster rather than an embarrassment. Words can really mean a lot, and they really can affect people.

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  2. I've been meaning to read this post of yours forever. It's great advice that I know you've gleaned from experience.

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  3. Thank you so much. I love boobs, especially ones that deserve more effort in finding the right bra size. And yeah, I can compliment a girl with average boobs, no problem for me. But when it comes to a busty girl, I always think she'll not be pleased at a compliment from a stranger, as she probably gets too many anyway. Of course, my compliment wouldn't be offensive or something like "nice boobs!", but anyway. Those girls probably assume something like this is coming right when you approach them. Also, I haven't brought this subject up with a friend of mine who could use a little help with finding better bras. She doesn't know about my preferences in girl's bodies. So thank you for the tips!

    And by the way, you have an amazing figure. :-)

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  4. "If you DO see her bra lying around with the laundry and you are a smaller-busted female friend, or a male friend who has mostly seen smaller bras, try hard not to express shock or hilarity at how large the bra looks to you. "

    I couldn't agree more! The worst thing a boy said to me when he caught a glance of my laundry was along those lines, and then I had a very petite friend put my bra on her head and laugh about how it fit as a hat. It just hurt, makes you feel like some sort of massive ogre.

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    1. Actually that happened to me too. "Hey look, it's like a hat!"
      Not the best words to say in that situation...

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  5. I am tempted to send this to my friends! Might seem a bit passive-aggressive though... But they have definitely broken all these 'rules'! I am very confident though, or maybe I have just gotten so used to it, so it is only when I think about it, that I realize how rude they are actually being. Some of my friends have laughingly commented that they touch my boobs more than their own and the bra-hat sketch happens every time they visit me, plus a daily evaluation of how much cleavage I am showing, how tight shirt fits, and trying to guess which one of my limited selection of bras I am wearing, going by the recognizable quadro-boob-shape.

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  6. My very dear friend wears a 40DDD (we are American) bra. It totally does not fit her. In the thirty years I've known her (since junior high), I have never seen her in a bra that fits her properly.

    Last week I finally referred her to an online article to measure herself straight up (no adding inches or anything). She has a 12" difference between ribcage and bustline, so not a DDD any way you slice it. However, one's measurements are what they are. It is better to have a properly fitted garment than an improper, unsupportive, painful garment, regardless of the cup letter. We're ordering bras for her from online to try on because nothing is available locally.

    I'm the small-busted friend. I do not wear her bras for hats or laugh at the styles or touch her boobs or any of that. That would be impossibly rude and presumptuous of me. Heck, I didn't bring up bra fit for her. I brought up bra fit for me, because I was so excited about finding bras that Did Not Ride Up In Back. (When you shop off the rack and all the bands start at 34, it is very difficult to find not-riding-up bras when your ribcage is 32" around. Trying on a 32D was like a revelation.)

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    1. proper edicate is the best.

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