Monday 1 October 2012

Busting Some Busty Myths

Warning--I don't really WANT to link to this absurdly stupid article on Jezebel because it's, well, absurdly stupid and also INCREDIBLY triggering for anyone with big boobs who has struggled with body image. But, if you want to see it, there it is.

The reason I feel compelled to post about this is that the internet is still chock full of unpleasant and inaccurate stereotypes about having big boobs. These myths are not only damaging and upsetting, but they also really frustrate me because they have such simple solutions. Yes, having big boobs is possibly, but not certainly, a little bit more complicated than having small or average-sized boobs. But every body type has its own challenges and I absolutely do not believe that a busty body type is any harder to dress or live with than any other body type.

If you disagree, or if you want something to link to when you read 126 comments on an article saying how weird and horrible big boobs are, here is a list of the most common complaints about big boobs, and the reasons that I don't buy into them.

"The only thing big boobs get you is unwanted attention from men." 

Sadly, just about everybody will find they get unwanted attention at some point in their life due to some feature or other, or due to absolutely nothing at all. This is an unacceptable phenomenon that we should fight against. And it does not have much to do with breast size. Some women with big boobs get lots of negative attention, others never get any attention (negative or positive) for it. Claiming that harassment follows from bust size is insulting to everyone of every bust size and clouds the real problem--which is harassment.

Big boobs are also not a guarantee of positive attention or any attention at all. They're a single part of a body. Perhaps you have received a lot of attention for having a big bust, or a small bust, but that is not the case for everyone.

"Bras for big boobs are SO EXPENSIVE! It's so annoying!" 

This makes my head explode with frustration. I usually pay about $30-$40 for a bra. When I wore smaller cup sizes, I paid about...wait for it... $30-$40 for a bra. Victoria's Secret bras (which larger-busted women usually avoid like the plague) cost about $40-$50 typically. Yes, if you buy a Freya or Panache or Curvy Kate bra at full price from certain American retailers, it may run you about $70. In a boutique, maybe up to $120 or even more. But that's generally the case for EVERY size.

Brand new bras are widely available on eBay; all you have to do is search "bra" and your size and filter the results to Worldwide. If you're not sure of your size, make sure that returns are accepted and all you're risking is about $10-$15 in shipping costs--still well below the markup you'll pay at a boutique.

Brastop offers many bras at sale prices that convert to about $15-$20, shipping to the US is about $12. They occasionally offer half price international shipping.

What's more, the US Figleaves site has been offering a good number of Panache, Cleo, etc bras at prices no higher, occasionally even lower, than the equivalent UK price. I just bought a brand-new Cleo Marcie for $38. That's the most expensive bra I've bought in a year. Doesn't really hold up to the myth--does it?

For more tips on finding bargain bras in large cup sizes, check out my post "If Your Boobs Are Bigger Than Your Budget".

"Big boobs are hideous/grotesque/absurd/disgusting." 

This commonly repeated trope really, really saddens me. It is simply body dysmorphia, but it is generally not identified as this. One of the worst offenders I've seen is this abhorrent article on The Hairpin (MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING). I could link to more articles like that, but I really don't want to give them more traffic. The only reason I'm mentioning that Hairpin article at all is because a lot of the outraged comments were quite eloquent:

'This totally bugged me too. My breasts look like that, and I'm tired of things like this that make me feel like I'm not supposed to like them or there is something wrong with them that needs correcting.'

'Yeah, this made made me really sad as well. I hated my breasts for years, and it's only been in the past few years that I realized that they're actually kind of awesome and the only reason I thought they looked so shitty was that I was wearing minimizers and sports bras that were two sizes too small. Yeah, it sucks when Cheerios fall into my cleavage at breakfast, and it does mean shopping is a pain, and sometimes I wish they were perkier, but I don't think chopping them off would make me happier. I don't know.'

'Different strokes for different folks - my bf loves my breasts as they are. Does that mean he is weird or abnormal?'

'I don't mind one woman sharing her obviously painful journey of self-acceptance. The body dysmorphia screams out through every line, though, and that is unfortunate. I would think Hairpin might know a little better than to perpetuate the idea that X, Y or C cup is 'normal' and preferable.'

'I too had a woman's body when I was too young to know how to deal with it. I had to deal with boys/men thinking they could treat me in a certain way because I looked like some kind of female fertility goddess when I was 12. I was self conscious and hunched over and hoped no one would notice me. But I'm not so sure that 90% of the girls in my middle and high schools weren't feeling the same way for one reason or another.'

I think those women said it about as well as anyone ever could.

Finally, the last myth I'd like to bust:

"My boobs are a 34E/36DDD/28H/etc and they are SO HUGE!!!!!!"

The reason this upsets me is not necessarily that it's not true (some people in the world do have larger breasts than others, factually speaking) but because of the assumptions it makes about other people. If a women with a particular size finds her size to be large or challenging, I would never deny her right to discuss that feeling, but I question the decision to include a size as though the shock factor of the number or letter will help to get the point across. If a woman of so-and-so size expresses her disgust with the "hugeness" of her boobs, how is a woman with a larger bust size supposed to interpret that? If a woman of so-and-so size expresses her disgust with the "smallness" of her boobs, how is a woman with smaller boobs supposed to interpret that? I understand the impulse to vent about body insecurities, which we all most certainly have, but statements like those just spread misery; they do not diminish it. 

And THAT, my friends, is why I write a blog on lingerie and clothing for bustier women. I would like to think that there will be a growing number of blogs focusing on particular body types and each one's individual joys and challenges. Big boobs, like ANY other body type, are not "normal" or "abnormal", they are simply a fact of life. They need not cause anyone undue physical, emotional, or financial strain.  I hope my blog, and the blogs in my blogroll to the right, will help us all to move towards that goal. 



15 comments:

  1. I'll post here the comment I wrote on the Jezebel article as it sums up my feeling towards this subject pretty well:

    «Wow, I've been reading the other replies and I can't believe the amount of women who hate their bodies, what the hell is wrong with you people??? go to thin & curvy (dot) com and read the articles on bra fitting, learn how to choose a proper bra, wear a proper bra, if by then you aren't happy with yourself yet just change it! What's the point of spending your life hating yourself?»

    Some of the comments are really appalling, I understand that people have insecurities about their bodies (even though I never did, at least nothing compared to what’s expressed in those comments) but all that self-loathing, where the hell did it came from?!?!? I find it really weird that people have such difficulty living with their own bodies.

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  2. I am a regular reader of Jezebel and also commented on the article however my comment was more about if women found there correct size my guess is less women would get implants or reductions. It annoys me that it seems if you have bigger breasts you have to complain about them its more acceptable to complain about your breasts rather than praise them.

    I personally love my breasts (30FF possibly 28G uk) there on the bigger side but not huge they do sometimes cause me back pain but I enjoy having. And I hate the way society and usually other women make me feel I should complain about them and hate them rather than praise them. The sad thing is this its not only are boobs that we shouldnt enjoy having but we shouldnt find ourselves attractive in anyway otherwise were vain. As a woman we should accept and love are bodies and our breasts not complain and hate them!

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  3. Thank you for this! I've just edited my latest post to add it to the links.

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  4. Thanks for this! It's hard reading articles like the ones you references--I, and I think so many of us, see some of them and think expect something we can relate to, only to be blasted by someone else's hate for their body. Their body which is similar to our own. Harsh. Definitely is nice to hear someone debunking the tough things.

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  5. The last myth is annoying for me because I see my size proclaimed to be "huge". There was even a company president's bio that I saw that shared my size and it said that she started her business because she couldn't find anything to fit her "huge" boobs. Yet most of the fitting problems I have are with shirts and dresses being too LARGE for my boobs. Maybe it's because I'm a classic pear shape and I'm unconsciously fitting everything to my hips?

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  6. Those articles sadden me more than anything. The insecurity coming from them is astounding. I noticed a lot of commenters saying that they're DD or DDD in the second one linked, and i'm betting the real reason they're so down on themselves is because they're in the wrong size. That's probably at least half the problem.

    My best guess for the source of all that self hatred is the fact that we have a horribly distorted idea of what's "normal" based on the super limited size range available on the high street, along with the stigma people attach to anyone who's not within it. Add to that the shame and negativity passed down within families in regards to self-image and bra size, and you've basically got yourself a recipe for disaster. Sad, really. :(

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  7. Some of these bras might work well for extra support in larger cup sizes: [www.comfortisse.com] No digging wires, no showing on the back, and they're super comfortable! One lady who reviewed them said they were actually a huge help when she was restricted to certain bra types after developing Lymphedema. And they're super affordable!! Hope this helps!

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    1. Hahaha, really? That provides support? Given the recent reviews of the Ahh bra, maybe I shouldn't automatically assume they're worthless. Some good bra bloggers found that the Ahh bras were halfway decent as sleep bras. But in my experience, anything that's based on the s/m/l/xl umbrella can't provide adequate support because the band just won't go small enough. A stretchy fabric is also bad news: one blogger whose review I can't find right now actually discovered that the stretch exaggerated the bounce.

      How, pray tell, is comfortisse different from the Ahh bra and Genie bra? Why do you not make allowances for big differences between the band and the bust?

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  8. I love this post! I usually go on those boob related posts to quietly direct people towards brafitting revelations (and away from Title 9, jesus fucking christ). I know I shouldn't read the comments, but I do.

    My boobs are 28H or so and they feel big to me, on my body. When I look down at them, struggle to fit them in too-small bras, button up a shirt around them, or lay on my stomach, I feel big. However, I know when I see photos of me wearing properly fitted clothing and bras, that my breasts do not look disproportionate.

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  9. Oh gosh, that second comment you posted from the Hairpin article is mine! I love the Hairpin and I'm a regular commenter there, but I think that's the only time I've ever been actually mad at an article.

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  10. If big boobs are so terrible then explain to me why the number cosmetic surgery procedure is breast augmentation. People are paying millions of dollars to have what so many women who complain have naturally. No ones ever happy.

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  11. Ugh: http://www.guardian.co.uk/fashion/shortcuts/2012/oct/11/34-dd-bras-pass-notes I know it's good news really, people might be looking for the right size, it's just the smirking and lack of understanding/serious research. If they think 34DD is a huge cup, they really need some help at the Guardian fashion desk.

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  12. I totally agree with you about the stupidity and absurdity of this.

    On the first myth... I don't get catcalls related to my bust, nor do I feel objectified. I wear a 28FF/G, and whether that is big or small depends on your perspective. I feel like I have a large bust. It used to really bother me when people would say "women with large busts receive oodles of unwanted attention from men" because I never (or very infrequently) got any of that attention. It was strange, I felt as though I wasn't getting something that came with having a large bust, so I felt like my bust was inferior. Thankfully I grew out of that. Now, many years later, that statement still bothers me, but for the same reasons you mentioned: because harassment is the problem, not big busts, or any other asset.

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  13. I like the information shared on use of different size of bras for making breast size bigger and attractive.


    Whatistriactol

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  14. Hi there, I just discovered your blog - and lingerie blogging in general- a few days ago and have been poring over all your info. This is a really great post in an overall incredibly well-written and informative blog that you clearly are passionate about. Finally went and got myself fitted at a proper place, discovered I'm not a 34D like the department store fitters all insisted- I'm very comfortably sitting here typing this in a Freya Pollyanna 30DD.
    Yes, big boobs are no doubt a pain to some but I'm kinda over this meme that seems to permeate even the semi-sortafeminist blogosphere of the jezebels and the frisky. Big boobs rawk, I'd have bigger! Thanks for putting this positive view into the interwebs. I think you're right, the more people of different body types take up personal blogging about this stuff the quicker body image bullsh** can recede from the collective female consciousness.
    Sorry for the TL;DR, I really like your blog and your 'tude :o)
    Kind regards Emily Kate in Australia.

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