The Curvy Kate "Tease Me"

The “Tease Me” is the only Curvy Kate bra that I’ve had luck with so far (although I’m not close to giving up yet, as you’ll soon find out in a later post). The thing I like best about it is that it’s really comfortable. The straps are medium-width, the underwires are really friendly (I think they might be plastic instead of metal? If so, everyone should use plastic). The bra is padded but not molded, so it can actually fold up and fit in a drawer. It looks really nice in a lot of different sizes, it doesn’t cause me pain, it’s just… a normal bra. Its design doesn’t make a huge deal about being “plus size.” It’s a real bra for real people.

You can clearly see that it doesn't cover a lot of my chest--the opposite of "a lot of bra"--but doesn't give too much cleavage either, so I find it appropriate to wear in any situation.

It has a great back band. Most bands, I’ve found, have a much tighter bit of elastic running along the base, which makes it cut into my skin and leave an indentation that can be seen under clothes. Not too sexy. The band on the “Tease Me” is all one kind of elastic so it doesn’t show at all. Not quite as great as the laser-cut back bands on otherwise crappy Victoria’s Secret bras, but getting there. Many people find that they prefer to go down a back size in this bra, but I can't (28 is of course the smallest one they make). However, I didn't personally find that the back was too loose, and I don't get back pain from wearing it.

It also uses the vertical seam construction, shown below, which gives such a nice shape. I wish all bras were made like this.

The shape is a little bit low, but very round, which I think is nice. Again, since it's not too in-your-face, it's appropriate for any occasion.

Check out this new color from their upcoming season, though. Although I myself find it pretty adorable, I have to laugh when I imagine the look of horror on my boyfriend’s face if he were to see me wearing this. It’s like the “My Little Pony” of bras!

But I might buy it anyway

The Panache "Melody"

Sometime in the course of this summer, I lost my black Freya Deco. I will never understand how I managed to LOSE a bra that holds its own shape and takes up as much space as a violin case. (The pink Deco I have doesn’t even fit in any of the drawers in my new flat!) After losing the black one, I spent awhile feeling wronged and frustrated that I had misplaced one of my favorite bras and one that I actually spent real money on (about $80; I usually try to get things for under $30). But eventually I realized that I needed to get a new black bra.

I took the opportunity to head to Bravissimo as soon as I arrived in Edinburgh. I’ve lived in the US my whole life, forced to depend on eBay and specialty stores that charge $80-$150 per bra (an experience that I’m sure to rant about in a later post). Heading to the UK for a year abroad, I was so excited to be able to go into an actual store that would have actual bras in my actual size. Unfortunately, my trip to Bravissimo fell far below my expectations. I was in a hurry that day and didn’t actually get fitted, so I’ll wait to write about my trip there until I can take the time to go again. But I do want to write about the bra I bought that day, which happened to be the only one they had which fitted me properly.

I was interested in the Melody because it's supposedly based on the Panache Harmony, a bra I’ve depended on heavily in the past. I feel the Harmony was a bit prettier (it had roses instead of this leafy design), and the shape isn't the same. The “Melody” seems to be cut differently than the “Harmony”—the upper leafy section was higher-cut and very firm, and it pressed a straight surface down my boobs, which caused a bit of a double-boob at the top. I proceeded to fix this with an alteration I do on almost all my bras, which turns the cups a bit and gives them more room at the top. There’s a wonderful description of this alteration here.

The alteration happened to give this bra one of the tightest bands I’ve ever experienced, which is GOOD considering most bra bands stretch out in about ten minutes. It also made it look like a Freya bra! By that I mean the cups went up towards the straps in a V shape, just generally covering more skin than the bras I normally wear. This meant there are little leafy bits poking out from a lot of my shirts, due to my stubborn refusal to dress modestly.

It also poked into the sides of my ribs like a bitch until I bent the wires into a more person-y shape in a fit of (tipsy) rage. Really, I wish Panache wouldn’t make the wires QUITE so wide in their small back sizes. I’m all for wide underwires but the ones on the Melody are literally almost going onto my back, which seems a bit excessive. Also, although the alteration got rid of most of the quadraboob, there is still some going on, and not in the way where your bra inches slowly down your body and you pull it up every hour, but in the way where your bra is angry and wants to make your boobs sad and presses them down towards the ground. (This is a pretty frequent problem for me as my boobs are very full on top.)

That can't be what it's supposed to look like....

Here's another image of the side view.

As you can see, it's definitely not giving much lift. This causes a peculiar phenomenon, though... under clothes, the shape is fairly good, and it makes my boobs look about five sizes smaller than they really are. It is literally the most minimizing bra I've ever worn, without any unhealthy squashing going on. Depending on what you're looking for, this might be a good thing once in awhile (or all the time) and that's the main function I'd recommend this bra for.

It’s still an okay bra but won’t take the Harmony’s place in my heart even though the Harmony and I have broken up and grown apart. I’m not saying the Melody is a terrible bra, and it has found a steady place in my bra rotation despite the odds. I just sort of wish it was… better for me.

To clarify some things

I’ve had a bit more activity in the comments recently than I expected, having only started this blog about two weeks ago. So it’s definitely been coming to my attention that being aggressive and taking a mocking tone has the obvious downside of potentially offending people, since everyone has different opinions.

I do want to clarify something I didn’t fully explain in my first post “Why I’m Doing This.” When I criticized the other blogs I read for tending to only take a positive tone, I wasn’t saying that these blogs aren’t great—if they weren’t, I wouldn’t read them. Instead, I was trying to justify my reasoning for starting up yet another lingerie blog when there are quite a few good ones out there already. I feel there’s a niche to fill with a blog that frankly (and grumpily) discusses the frustrations of poor fit and poor quality.

I can also really only speak for myself, and my best friend with whom I’ve talked at length and whose bras I’ve actually seen. That’s why I called this blog “Bras I Hate” instead of “Bras That Suck" (which I actually considered). There is definitely room for more than just one opinion here and I would be very interested in posting other people’s opinions about which bras they hated, even if it happens to be one that I liked. We all have to claw through a whirlwind of crappy mail ordering and dressing rooms to find the few things that will work for us. I don’t think I’m speaking just for myself when I say this experience can get very discouraging, and mess with your head (and your body image). For me the hardest thing about big boobs is feeling that I’m alone in a struggle with my body and fashion. That’s the real reason I wanted to start a blog—to fight against that feeling.

Cleo "George" Review

This is a bra that I love the look of, but which has ultimately disappointed me. I normally love Cleo by Panache bras, which are usually cuter and “younger” looking than the normal Panache bras. This George bra is an older model—I’m not sure exactly what season it’s from, but more than a year ago. However, these bras still show up on eBay sometimes--that's where I got mine.

See, look how pretty it is!

When I first put it on I was pretty happy. I ordered it in a 28J as I’ve been having so much trouble cramming my boobs into a 28HH lately. It was just almost too big in the cup, which was better than the opposite.

From this photo, you can see one of the small problems with this bra--the extra fabric under the cups curls up and doesn't lie flat on the ribs. I find a lot of Panache's older bras have this stupid bit of fabric. At least this section on the George is soft and doesn't rub very badly.

The shape seemed unique, but in a good way—sort of lifted high, but not rounded.

There were some obvious problems. I had to fasten the band on the tightest hook right away, so it's not a very tight 28. Also, the straps barely adjust—less than halfway. As I say though, this was one of Cleo’s much earlier bras, and their more recent bras tend to have fully adjustable straps and aren’t so loose in the band.

So… my first reaction was positive, until I wore it out, caught sight of my reflection in a mirror in a pub and was actually ashamed of how I looked. The cups were just too pointy for me after the shifting from just a few hours of wear, and though it actually looked great from the front, from the side it was just Madonna-esque. Since I never wear loose clothes, it’s not really workable for me. I felt there was just too much space at the apex of the cup. For those of you with boobs that can fill out a bra with more projection, you may like this.

I was surprised to realize that it’s actually the same bra as a yellow and blue gingham Cleo bra I tried on in an actual store the summer before last. Panache doesn’t usually have such a big variety between patterns in a specific bra, and the green one I bought is spotted, not checked. Anyway, when I’d tried on the yellow version I remember that I wasn’t very impressed with the shape, so I wish I considered that before buying this one.

I find myself deciding to end this negative review with the sort of positive-thinking crap that normally eludes me: I can’t bring myself to hate Cleo for this bra, as it was made so early in their evolution, they’ve since improved so much, and after all I have to have one true love in the lingerie world.

Why I Hate Freya

Hate is a strong word, but my frustration with Freya, and my aloneness in this feeling, is probably the biggest reason why I felt a need to have my own lingerie blog even though there are a lot of really great ones out there already. I just get tired of hearing Freya described as a conquering hero and the ultimate champion of big boobs, when a lot of their designs and choices cause me to resent them. Here’s why.

1.    Freya doesn’t design their bras to look good on big boobs. I know this isn’t a popular viewpoint, but I really believe that Freya missed the boat ages ago on how to design for big boobs. Their bras look great on F cups and thereabouts, but as the cup sizes climb, the proportions of the bra expand clownishly. The wires come up higher and higher between the breasts. The upper lace section gets bigger and bigger, throwing off the aesthetic proportions of the bra if it’s a different color or texture than the rest of the bra. This all translates to bras that look frumpier and frumpier on bigger-boobed customers. I’m not okay with that. Customers who don’t have many bra options will see a photo of a cute, skinny model with F-cups and order the bra, and then be disappointed with the huge difference in how it looks on them. Living in the US and usually not being able to try anything on, and with shipping being so expensive, these unlucky customers will come to terms with the way their bra looks and carry on, feeling a little less cute. Freya never sells their bras using pictures of models with REALLY big boobs because the bras wouldn’t sell then—they’d look unfashionable.

Freya Estelle on little boobs

Freya Estelle on big boobs...hmmm

2.    Freya doesn’t listen to their customers. With Panache asking fans on Facebook whether a 26 band might be a good addition, and Curvy Kate and Bravissimo producing every single bra in a huge size range, Freya has gotten totally left behind in terms of sizing. Their cute designs tend to stop at a G cup, and they stated on Facebook that they believe molded cups won’t support boobs above that size. Um, molded cups could easily provide way more support than flimsy fabric. Get it together.

Size range for Trudie bra on Bravissimo--gosh, notice what's selling out fastest!

3.     Freya doesn’t understand how to design straps. This complaint may be out of date, since I haven’t bought any Freya bras in about two years, and things may have changed since then. But when I did wear Freya bras all the time, they always had one of two kinds of straps. The first was cute and narrow, but made of a shiny material that slid off my shoulders constantly. The second and more common were these really thick, utilitarian straps that just looked absurd with sleeveless tops. Not only that, they were adorned with a criss-cross pattern of tiny rope which was heinous and always began to fall apart long before the bra wore out, so there were always little strings poking off my shoulders.

4.    Freya produces the same exact bra over and over with different names.

Go check out some of their past products. You’ll begin to realize that the Celia is the Estelle is the Nancy is the Latisha—same shape, same lace, just different patterns. The Clarissa is the same as the Lucy and the Antoinette. The Deco bra comes in solid colors as well as patterns but each pattern is named something different: Lydia, Frida, Carly, Crystal. Calling the same bra shape a million different names doesn’t mean you’re really giving your customers options on fit, it just means you’re misleading them. (I’m also bored of Freya’s repetitive designs and twee patterns, but that’s definitely just a matter of personal taste.)

Freya Nancy (left) and Latisha--these came out as separate models in the same season!

I would also like to note, on the other hand, that the Deco is one of the best bras in production, despite Freya's refusal to offer it in anything approaching a diverse size range. I'll write more about it later.

The Curvy Kate "Elegance"

I’m not listing this as a bra I hate.  I sort of do hate it, but I’m primarily baffled by it. I accept that there are certain styles in which no size will fit me, but I’ve never had a bra fit me so ODDLY as this one. Because of the lack of available reviews of this bra, I’ve decided to do a somewhat detailed one in hopes that it can help any prospective buyers decide whether it will fit them well.

I coveted the “Elegance” ever since I saw pictures of it in the Curvy Kate brochure. Pretty lace! Plunge! Molded! Satin! Not sold in hideous nude! I couldn’t wait to buy it, but at the time I didn’t have enough money.

Then, once I finally did have enough money, I got cold feet. It was full price, I normally don’t buy full price bras, and I couldn’t find any reviews of it online (even though I saw bloggers wearing it in various photos), which made me suspicious. But when I found it 40% off on Amazon with free shipping one-day shipping, I decided my moment had come. I ordered one in black and one in white in a 28J.

The bras arrived the next day and looked beautiful—when they weren’t on me. As soon as I put it on, this bra made me look like a goon. The first major problem was that my boobs just are not that far apart. So although it did give me some cleavage, it was a weird triangular cleavage—my boobs met at the top and then separated as the bra dragged them down and to the sides.

 The other big issue was that the cups of this bra are VERY shallow at the bottom. So, although the bra looked as though it should be big enough for me, almost half of the cup just rested on my ribcage, and my actual boobs were forced upwards into the small remaining portion of the cup. I suspect this is meant to help give more cleavage to people with wider-set boobs--for them, I think this bra would work better.

The third complaint I had about this bra, which alone wouldn’t have ruined it for me, is the shape it gives—not quite rounded, but pointing out to the sides a little. You can see it a bit better here:

I did think about keeping the Elegance and trying to alter the center gore so the cups would hopefully work better for me, but then I suddenly realized that the lace on the top of the cup makes it look a bit like a Venus fly trap was eating my boobs and I couldn’t quite get over that.

All this being said, though, the reason I don’t completely reject this bra is that I think it could fit some people well. I think people with wider-set boobs who want to create some cleavage (generally the opposite of what I want to do) will like it. I also think it will work better for people whose boobs are a bit less stubborn and can actually take the shape of a bra—those people may find they can fill out the bottom of the shallow cup well. Failing that, I guess I would recommend going up a cup size or two. (I think I would have needed to go up 3 or 4 cup sizes, and I was already in the biggest one they make.)

DD and DDD

         Dear everyone commenting on every article about big boobs on any blog (other than blogs specifically about lingerie fitting),

           DD is a relatively small cup size, unless perhaps you have a 40 inch back. If you think you’re a DD, you either have smallish boobs, or you are wearing the wrong size.

           
           DDD seems to be used as a general term to mean “anything over a D cup, which is spilling horribly over the cups of the ill-fitted bras I am forced to buy at department stores because I’ve never been properly fitted and have no idea what size my boobs really are.” Maybe work on that, ladies.

           PS. DDD isn’t even a real cup size. It goes from DD to E.